Flaky People Are Toxic and Why You Should Cut Them Out Of Your Life

Some people aren’t worth keeping in your orbit.

“I’m going to start getting back into the gym routine.” One of my coworkers told me.

The only thing is that he’s been saying this for about a year now. I called him out on it. He told me that he was definitely going to commit to going next week. We work together and have a gym at our office. I was going to hold him to it.

The following morning at 6:30am, I texted him, “bring your gym clothes.”

No response.

I grab an extra pair of gym clothes in his size to bring with me so he won’t have an excuse.

We get to the office and I bring up that we’re going to the gym today.

“Oh I forgot my gym clothes. I didn’t see your text until I was already on my way into the office.” He told me.

“That’s fine,” I replied, unable to hide the smirk, “I brought you an extra pair.”

He hesitated, “Oh well, my back is still kind of hurting from golf, I don’t want to overdo it. I also don’t have gym shoes.”

At that point, I gave up. He was the embodiment of the saying, “you can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make them drink.” There was no point in trying anymore. He wasn’t going to go. Since this interaction, I’ve stopped trying to encourage him to go.

Flaky people undermine trust and waste your time. Cut them out of your life to focus on relationships that truly matter.

Using Every Excuse In The Book

Have you ever invited someone to a party, and they say, “I’ll let you know if I can make it.”

If they do show up, it’s usually last minute and unexpected. They’ll act excited to be there, but the truth is, showing up for your event was likely not their first option. Many flaky people keep their options open and wait to see if something better comes along.

Even if a flaky person says they will come to your party, they’ll bail at the last-minute saying, “sorry, something came up last minute.”

I feel like people who consistently use that an excuse are selfish. They’re not thinking about the other person who they’re leaving hanging. There will always be plenty of times in life where you don’t want to do something, but you should do it anyway. Often, you might surprise yourself by your mood after you show up.

Double-Booking

“Hey, I’m sorry, I forgot that I have to go do this thing for my mom today. I’m going to have to cancel today.”

Come on, really? We have calendar apps in our phone. There almost should never be a moment where you double book yourself today. It can happen occasionally and has happened to me before. I’ve had events that I've forgotten to put in my calendar and ended up double booking myself. However, if you’re a person who learns from your past mistakes, you shouldn’t make that mistake again.

I have a two strike rule. If someone blows me off because they said they double booked, I’ll typically give them a second chance. If they do it more than once, then I start to get the picture that I’m not important enough in their life for them to make time.

Not Following Through

“Thanks for covering the bill, I’ll Venmo you.”

Then you never get paid back. If you have felt this before, you know it sucks. You would rather not act as a debt collector, especially to someone you consider a friend. With technology today, you should be able to pay someone right away. It takes 30 seconds to do it, but still, this behavior happens today.

They’re Nonchalant About Being Flaky

“Sorry about that, I’ll do better next time.”

Some people don’t get it. Often there isn’t a next time and when someone is nonchalant about it, it’s usually because they’ve done it so many times that it doesn’t even bother them anymore.

In today’s world, we typically don’t face immediate consequences. The consequences we face are doors being shut that we didn’t even know were there.

That potential friend who could have been made if you weren’t flaky, may have got you a job someday or could have helped you with something later on. You might have helped them and built a connection with someone that would last your life.

There’s a lot of people who say they don’t have any close friends today. Well, maybe they wouldn’t feel that way if they didn’t treat people like they were disposable.

Avoid Confrontation

“Let’s talk about this later.”

Flaky people love to avoid confrontation. They love to procrastinate whatever they can. If they can kick the can down the road, perhaps it’ll go away on its own. The sad thing is this happens often. They’ll kick the can down the road and get away with it. However, the downstream consequences of doing that was the damage to their character. They reinforced a behavior that is toxic and can harm them from building relationships with people.

Ignoring Messages

“Oh sorry, I just saw this text.”

The truth is, they probably saw the text when you first sent it. However, they would rather not respond right away and then forgot about you.

I’m guilty of doing this. What I’ve done to help this is unread my texts so when I open my phone next, it’ll show the message as unread and prompt me to read it again as a reminder.

It sucks when people aren’t responsive to you. It makes you feel unimportant. Usually, when someone does this enough times, you’ll start to see a drift in friendships.

Make Promises Without Committing

“I’ll come out and visit you, let me know when.” One of my old friends said.

“I’m free almost every weekend this month. Pick one.” I replied.

That friend said this to me for four years. He’s single and has no kids. Granted, he lives about 90 minutes away from me, but he can take the train in. In six years, he’s come out to see me once. Why should you bother with a one-sided friendship? Three years ago, I would have said that friend would have stood up at my wedding, now he’s not invited to my wedding at all.

I’m sure he has some opinions about me right now, but honestly, I don’t care anymore. There’s no use to hold on to some friendships, even if it is difficult to let go.

Conclusion

As I was writing this, it helped me reflect on some parts of my life where I have exhibited some of these behaviors. I’m guilty of exhibiting some of these behaviors, and maybe I was even blind to it. It’s incredible what our mind can do to rationalize our behaviors.

Our mind wants to protect us. We wish to believe we are a great person, but often it doesn’t come until we start doing some hard reflecting.

Ask yourself, when has there been times that I’ve been flaky? What can I do to make sure that I am not?

It’s difficult to break habits and behaviors that we’ve reinforced for years. Our default mode is to act how we’ve always acted and reinforce what has worked for us to get to this point. What can you do to make sure that you are even better? While we may have got to this point we are at in our default setting, there probably is a way we can get better. What can you do to get better?

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